That's How Nature Works

(Talking about types if fish)

Person 1: "Wait, didn't that fish used to be extinct?"

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+5 for how can something "used to be" extinct?

'Tis the Season

Person 1: I got a new collapsible Christmas tree!

Person 2: Cool! Is it real?

---
+3 because what kind of crazy GMO tree would be collapsible.

So close.

(As I'm studying, two people sit at the table next to me to work on a final project)

Student 1: What's a social media? What does that mean?

Student 2: I have no idea.

Student 1: I bet my friend Robin would know. Hold on, let me see if she's on Facebook and I'll ask her.

---
+7 for being so close to their answer
+2 because I really want to know how this project turns out
Total: 9

But it's raw!

(My girlfriend and I just bought some fruit at a fruit stand and are now continuing to drive.)

Me: Hand me a pear out of that bag.

Her: Uh, why?

Me: Because I want to eat it.

Her: What?

Me: A pear. To eat.

Her: But...but it's raw. 

Me: It's a pear.

Her: You can only eat pears out of cans!

Me: It's fruit.

Her: But pears come in cans! You don't eat them raw.

Me: It's just a pear....you can eat pears.

Her: You can just eat pears?

---
+4 for not knowing you can eat fresh fruit
+6 because what childhood leads to not knowing you can eat fresh fruit?
Total: 10

International Relations

(In history class talking about the development of OPEC and how they cut off oil to the US)

Student: But wait, how is that different from a Super PAC?

Teacher: "....one is a political action committee and one is...OPEC."

---
+5 for them being so different it's almost impossible to answer

But what if?

(Professor is explaining the college's consequences for plagiarism a day before our first paper is due)

Student: So, what if we just happen to think of the exact same ideas as someone else and put it in the exact same words without realizing it?

Professor: I really doubt that would happen, especially for an assignment like this where you're going to be referencing authors for every point you make or attack.

Student: But what if...like...what if something I say happens to look exactly like something on Wikipedia, for example?

Professor: You're not going to have the same word-for-word ideas for this paper as someone put on Wikipedia.

Student: Okay. But, what about...what if I wrote something, and then uploaded it to Wikipedia, but  when you checked it you didn't know I put it there so you thought I stole it?

Professor: Did you do that?

Student: I mean, no, but what if?

Professor: Just don't do that.

Student: But I mean, you couldn't know if I wrote it or not...so it could be my work?

Professor: Do we need to have a conversation?

---

+3 because if you're going to plagiarize from Wikipedia, at least try not to draw attention to it. You're not being smooth.

I've always been curious...

(In the school cafeteria, I am eating next to a few people I don't know. I'm black.)

Random guy: Excuse me? I've always been curious. Why does black people hair grow like that?

(The girl sitting across from me looks at him and replies for me.)

Random girl: Why does white people hair grow like that?

---
+2 for putting thought into forming this question but then still asking it
+6 for that response.
+1 because oh my god Karen, you can't just ask people why their hair is black.
Total: 9

Kids Ask the Darndest Questions

(Some 10 year old kids I overheard)

First kid: Is Fall a holiday?
Second kid: No, Fall is not a holiday.
First kid: Is Jewish a holiday?
Third kid: NO JEWISH IS NOT A HOLIDAY!

---

+ 5 just for the "Is Jewish a holiday" part. 

Illnesses

(In Psychology class talking about eating disorders)

Student 1: *Shares a touching story about her struggle with bulimia and how her mom finally helped her get treatment and now she's recovering*

Student 2: Well I don't think my grandma has bulimia, but she has like...um...anemia? It that the same?

Teacher: That's not the same at all. That's a problem with your blood.

---
+2 for following up that touching story with this question
+10 for thinking illnesses that rhyme must be the same thing
Total: 12

Mother Nature

(In Psychology class talking about female hormonal cycles)

Male Student: Don't women's...you know... menstrual cycles like follow the moon or something? Like don't they all have it on the full moon?

Teacher: No. That's just not true.

Female Student: We're not the fucking tides.

(Every female in the class bursts into laughter)

---
+2 for thinking the a woman going on her period is somehow like a werewolf
+4 for the awesome response 
Total: 6

Marine Unicorns

Friend 1: I'm freaking out. I just watched a program about narwhals. I thought they were mythical creatures! They're real?

Friend 2: You're kidding, right?

Friend 1: They're like marine unicorns!

Friend 2: Did you really think they weren't real though?

Friend 1: Yes, my brother told me so. They don't seem fucking real! They're marine unicorns.

Friend 2: Hahahaha you weren't kidding!

Friend 1: They're whales with fucking horns on their heads! How the hell was I supposed to think that shit was real?

Friend 2: There are way weirder animals. It's really something you should have known.

---

+1 for her brother convincing her they were fake

+6 for "marine unicorns"
+2 because really, they do sound made up when you put it that way.
Total: 9

Kidneys

Sister: Where is the kidney, anyway?

Me: Here (points to where kidneys are located)

Sister: Nu-uh. You're lying.

Me: What? I mean, I might be a bit off, but it's around there.

Sister: No it's not. It's in the knee. Kid-knee.

Me: No. It's not even spelled the same way.

Sister: I'm not stupid! I'm not going to fall for this! The kidknee is in the knee. 

Me: You're just wrong.

Sister: You can't trick me! Stop it!

---
+2 for the ney-knee logic
+4 for the "I won't fall for this!" protests
Total: 6

They're all the same

(In women's history class talking about how Chinese immigrants were banned from coming to the US then about the treatment of Japanese immigrants)

Kid: "Wait...this might be a stupid question but if the Chinese weren't allowed to come here but the Japanese were, why didn't the Chinese just say they were Japanese? Like, how could they tell the difference?"

Teacher: "Um...no because they look different speak different languages and have different cultures."

---
+1 "this might be a stupid question but" then proceeding with the question
+1 for racism
+2 for the teacher's response
Total: 4

What else would it mean?

Professor: So when we put an X through this category it means we don't care about it.

Student: So when you say you don't care about it, that means it doesn't matter?

Me: What else would it fucking mean?

---

+2 for submitter's response

Solidarity: Italy

Solidarity Post! We all have our moments, and sometimes those moments overlap. Solidarity Posts let us know we're not alone.

Story One:
(At a blood drive. During the paperwork, a teenager gets to the travel questions.)
Girl: Wait, hold on. Is Italy a country?

Story Two:
(While on a family vacation to Rome)
Me: Now we can brag that we've been to Italy.
Sister: When have we been to Italy?
Me: Uh. Now?
Sister: But we're in Rome. Isn't Rome its own country?

---
+3 for both of them having been to Italy but still being confused about these things.

That Must Be It.

(History, after watching protest footage from the 1960's.)

Student 1: Why did people call the police "pigs?"

Professor: Good question. That became very common during the civil rights movement. Class? Can any of you answer that?

Student 2: Because they killed and ate black people!

(Entire class goes silent. Nobody says anything for a full 30 seconds.)

Professor: Well...no...that's not it. Anyone else?

(Class is still silent. Finally an older woman who just came back to school raises her hand and answers in a smug, "I can't believe nobody else knows this" voice.)

Student 3: Because they squealed like pigs while they planted evidence.

---
+5 for racist cannibalism
+4 for the mental image of police squealing WHEE WHEE WHEE OINK while throwing evidence around a crime scene.
Total: 9

The Question that Started This Blog

(In history of race, sex, and gender.)

Professor: Everyone has their own biases, so when we look at information we need to be able to accept, recognize, and compensate for it. But as an extreme example, what kind of bias do you think Holocaust deniers have? What kind of people deny the Holocaust?

Student: Canadians!

(Entire class turns and stares at him in silence.)

Student: (Realizing something is wrong) Because, you know...Canada wasn't involved in World War II.

---
+1 for thinking they weren't involved in WW2.
+5 for thinking that would make them Holocaust deniers.
+2 because Canada.
Total: 8

This was the moment that first inspired us to make this blog. This was day one of Brenda's first college history class. I figured it couldn't get any worse than that, but I was definitely proven wrong throughout the rest of the semester.